The Many Phases Of Axel
by Magnetic Cheese
Summary: [AkuRoku Crack] Axel just wants Roxas to notice him, but Roxas thinks he's creepy. Alas...Axel would do anything to get Roxas to like him...even change.
1. Prologue

_Suppage homeslices._

_I'm back again with another AkuRoku for you guys. But this time, it ain't a One-Shot. That's right doods, this is a full on ficcage! Hahahaha, I'm so proud of myself. This is going to be my first official Kingdom Hearts ficcage ever. Anyways, let me explain some stuffs before you begin reading it...if you plan on reading it._

_The story takes place...hmm...about a month after Roxas has joined the Organization. So...Axel has had a month to like...become obsessed with him. xD_

_**Dedication:** Like all my Kingdom Hearts stories, this one is dedicated to Chibix. I luffies you little dood.  
3_

_**Disclaimer:** I do not own Square Enix, or the Final Fantasy series. Poor me._

* * *

_**The Many Phases Of Axel  
By:  
Mr.C**uriosity**Bunny  
**x**X**x_

**_Prologue_**

Roxas.

In all of his past lifetime, he had never met someone quite like him. Roxas had these amazing blue eyes that seemed to sparkle and come to life whenever he was happy. And his hair, _ohhhh his hair!_ It probably felt as soft and silky as it looked. The way his dirty blond tresses were naturally spiked upwards, messy yet kept together at the same time, it would make anyone want to run their fingers through them, over and over and _over_.

And then there was his face. Roxas had the most amazing skin _ever!_ It was fair, and looked really soft, but seemed to glow at the same time. He had the most perfect _face_ ever. From his high cheek bones, to his soft pink lips, and right down to his cute little button nose.

No wonder Axel was obsessed with the kid; he was freaking hot!

Axel sighed ruefully. Too bad Roxas didn't seem to think the same thing about him. No matter what he did, Roxas never seemed to be impressed. He had lit Demyx' ass on fire once, and yet Roxas didn't laugh. Then he had made the kitchen explode once, and yet Roxas didn't go "Omigod that was freaking awesome!". And he had even gone as far as making it rain fire outside once, and yet Roxas didn't stare in awe.

Axel stalked down the hallways of The Castle That Never Was. Everything he did, he did to impress Roxas, but Roxas was never impressed. It was freaking frustrating! What the hell was he supposed to do to get Roxas to like him? Or at least _notice_ him.

Axel suddenly stopped dead in the middle of the hallway. Why _didn't_ Roxas like him anyways? He pondered this for a few minutes. What was not to like about him? He had really cool hair that was super spiky and red. His eyes were green, and people who had green eyes were usually really cool, because green eyes were cool. He could make fire with a snap of his gloved fingers, which was awesome, and he had a pair of kick ass chakrams. Axel's whole appearance screamed, "I have really cool spiky red hair, and awesome green eyes so notice me dammit, because I'm smoking hawt!".

So why couldn't Roxas see that?

"So, how are you liking things here?"

Axel frowned. That sounded like Demyx.

"They're alright, I guess."

Axel's eyes widened. That was Roxas!

He looked around frantically for a place to hide. He couldn't face Roxas now; he had just woken up! And Axel was known to have a serious case of bed head.

"That's good to hear! And the other members? How are you getting along with them?"

Axel started to pull oh his bed head hair. What was he going to do? There was nowhere to hide and…hey look, a window! He nearly jumped and screamed for joy when he spotted the window across from him. He quickly squashed down this urge however when he heard their footsteps growing closer. Without a second thought, he lunged for the window, yanked it open, and crawled out, making sure he had a tight grip on the ledge.

It was a damn good thing Axel wasn't afraid of heights, or hanging outside of a window located about forty metres from the ground would be difficult.

"Well…the other members are alright, I guess. I don't see a lot of much of them though. But…"

"But…?"

The footsteps stopped abruptly, right in front of the window he was hanging out of. He would have panicked if he weren't so interested in their conversation.

"Well," Axel didn't have to see Roxas to know that he was fidgeting at this point. "There's this one guy…"

"Eh? Who is it?"

"I think his name was…Axel."

Said person nearly let go of the window ledge._ He_ was Axel. Roxas was talking about _him_.

_Roxas_

_Knew_

_His_

_Name._

Axel almost fainted.

"Oh yeah, I know Axel! Me and him are buddies!"

Axel caught himself before he snorted at Demyx' words. If Demyx considered people who lighted his ass on fire "buddies" then…that was just messed up.

"Really? You're…friends, with _him_?"

Axel couldn't help but frown at this. Sure he lit Demyx' ass on fire that one time, but that doesn't mean he was cruel to him or nothing. So why was it so hard to believe that they were friends—in Demyx' eyes.

"Well, yeah, what's so bad about Axy?"

_Axy?_ Demyx was so dead.

"Don't you think…he's kind of creepy?"

_Creepy?_ Roxas thought he was creepy? Axel could almost here his not-really-there-but-he-wished-it-was heart shatter. Roxas thought he was creepy…

"How so?"

"Well…he's always _staring_ at me. And like, he follows me around almost everywhere when he sees me and…it's just creepy."

Axel felt his whole world crash.

"That certainly doesn't sound like Axel…maybe he's just going through a phase or something."

"Yeah well…I just hope he gets out of it sometime soon…"

"Hmm…I'm hungry! Let's go see what Lexaeus made for diner!"

Axel would have sighed in relief as he heard their footsteps grow fainter and fainter, but he was just too crushed to bring himself to do it. He crawled half-heartedly back inside and shut the window in despair.

Roxas thought he was creepy…

He slumped against the window and slid down until he was sitting in a heapon the floor. He couldn't believe it. All he had done in order for Roxas to notice him was in vain, because…

Roxas thought he was creepy.

"What am I supposed to do now?" he asked himself piteously. He dropped his head down so that his chin rested on his chest.

"Roxas…

Axel snapped his head up, determination shinning in his green eyes. Demyx had told Roxas that he was just "going through a _phase_". So…

If Roxas didn't like this "phase", then Axel would just have to try another one.

And thus began the many phases of Axel.

* * *

_So there you have it. I'm aware that the first chapter is...really short, but this was just the prologue. I assure you that the chapters to follow will be longer than this one._

_Don't forget to flameeeeee.  
xD_


	2. Phase One: Enter Luxord

_Suppage doods. Back again with chapter two. Yeah...so uhh...hey! For this chapter, you might want to download the song called "So Fresh So Clean" by OutKast._

_It...fit's in nicely with this chapter. xD  
Anywaysss..._

**Dedication:** Obviously, to Chibix, a.k.a, Magnetic Cheese.

_**Disclaimer:** It sadlt hasn't changed since the first chapter so...I still don't own anything._

_**Warnings:** I, the author and creator of this story, am not reponsible for any out of characterness shown by the characters. Well...I kinda am but...  
-runs away-_

_**

* * *

** _

**The Many Phases Of Axel  
By:  
Mr.CuriosityBunny  
xXx**

**_Phase One: Enter Luxord_**

Axel stared into his full-length mirror intensely, poking and prodding at his body, clothed only in a pair of silky red boxers…that happened to look really hot on him, he noted. Would Roxas think he looked hot in them too? Hot enough to possibly get _in_ them? _Bad thoughts, Axel, **bad**! Concentrate on getting Roxas to **like** you first._

He frowned. How was he going to do that? What kind of guys did Roxas go for? What if…what if Roxas didn't…was Roxas even _gay_? Why hadn't he thought about that first? And why the hell was he so freaking skinny?

He poked at his stomach, his frown deepening. He was _wayyyy_ to skinny for his liking. And not even the good skinny! He was like…lanky skinny, almost…flabby skinny. And he had pointy hips. And he was kind of pale. And dammit, now he was self-conscious.

With a frustrated sigh, Axel threw himself onto his comfy bed, staring up at his bleach white ceiling blankly. Okay so…it was all right if Roxas didn't turn out to be gay. Axel could find some way to change that…maybe…possibly…somehow. He'd work out the details later.

But for now, he had to worry about how he was going to get Roxas to like him.

"It's not that easy though," he reminded himself. "It's not like I can just change over night…" he rolled over onto his stomach and ran his fingers through his untameable hair. "If only they had a 'Pimp My Obsessive Fellow Organization Member' show or something…"

Axel's head shot up.

That's it. That's _exactly it_. Axel smirked his signature smirk. If Roxas didn't like him as Axel, then maybe he'd like him as Pimp Master Dr. A. His smirk widened.

That's right, time to commence phase one; the gangster phase.

* * *

"So let me get this straight. You over heard a conversation between Demyx and Roxas concerning yourself, you found out that Roxas finds you creepy, so, you decided to change yourself in order for him to take a liking to you, and…you decided to come to me for help. Is that right?"

Axel nodded his head vigorously in confirmation. The older organization member in front of him shook his head lightly, a small smile playing on his face.

"Aw come on Luxord! You have to help me!" Axel tried with all his might to sound angry, to keep the desperation out of his voice, to try and maintain a good enough poker face that would make Luxord get down on his knees and worship him. But…Axel must have tried too hard. Even to his own ears he sounded like a teenager who was just hitting puberty and had the voice of a squeaky mouse.

Axel was praying with all his might that Luxord hadn't noticed it too.

"Well, if you're that desperate…"

Axel cursed mentally. _Damn Luxord and his…his…stupid ability to see really obvious things…_ Axel's mental cursing sounded more like pathetic whining even to him. Well…_only_ to him, because…he was _mentally_ cursing, and thus, Luxord wasn't able to actually hear him…and…yeah.

Frowning at his own thoughts, Axel turned his head up to stare at Luxord. "So are you going to help me or what?"

Luxord sighed wistfully. "Ah, young love!"

Axel paled before starting to sputter unintelligently. "I-It's not l-l-love or nothing, I just…Roxas is…and uhh…" Axel sighed in defeat. "Just help me, would ya?"

Luxord considered him for a moment before nodding his head. "I always did love a good challenge. Now, we don't have a lot of time on our hands, and I have a lot to work with so," he ignored Axel's somewhat indignant 'hey!' as he continued to look him over. "We should get started right away. Now come with me Axel, it's time I officially pimp you out."

* * *

Luxord stepped back to examine his work critically. A bright grin suddenly lit his features. "Luxord, you _are_ a genius!"

And Axel had to hand it to the gambler; he _was_ a genius. Luxord stepped back as Axel got up from the chair and watched Axel smirk in satisfaction at his own appearance.

It hadn't taken Luxord as long as he had exaggerated it would have. All he had done was add some serious blingage to Axel's attire. He had huge chains hanging around his neck. One that had a somewhat large cross hanging from it, and another that had a huge letter 'A' hanging from it.

He had also given Axel what he called a "gangsta's hat", which was basically just a black baseball hat with red stripes going down from the tip. He had to admit though, Axel look pretty pimping with the hat (which was worn backwards of course) covering the top of his spikes, letting the rest spike down from the hat.

And to top it all off, he gave Axel a silver filling.

Well…okay, it wasn't _really_ a silver filling; he had merely put a piece of tin foil over one of his front teeth. But…Roxas would never know the difference, so it was all good.

"Thanks Luxord. This really means a lot to me."

Luxord shook his head with a scowl. "No no no no _no_! Do you really expect Roxas to believe you're a ganster if you go around talking like that?"

Axel blinked, the fact that he was utterly lost evident all over his face.

"Erm…yes?"

The gambler sighed deeply. "No. This won't do. Now repeat after me. 'Yo biotch, let's me an' you go back to mah crib and get it onnnnn'. Can you do that?"

Axel stared up at Luxord in disbelief.

"…What?"

"Just say it. You can't just expect Roxas to like you if you merely _look_ the part. You have to be able to act the part as well. Now say it."

"Right." Axel squared his shoulders and looked Luxord in the eyes. "Yo…umm…bitch, let's, uhh, me and you go back to my crip and…get it…on?"

Luxord stared. "You're…going to have to work on that…a lot."

Axel's shoulders slumped.

* * *

Luxord gave Axel a firm pat on the back, wishing him good luck, before closing his door, leaving Axel standing alone in the hallway, slightly nervous.

"Okay, I can do this, I can _do_ this!"

"…It's not normal to talk to yourself in the middle of a hallway. Then again, you're not exactly normal, so I wouldn't put it past you to do so…"

Axel gulped.

It was him.

"R-Roxas!" Axel mentally threw himself out of a window. "I-I mean…ahem…Yo, supp dawg." He smirked.

Roxas stared up at Axel with wide eyes.

"Uhh…nothing…really…"

Axel looked around for a second, almost as if he didn't know what to do next.

"…Dat's…kewl, dat's kewl. I feel that."

Stare. "Riiigghhhttt…" More staring.

Silence.

Axel began to panic. Suddenly, he heard music pouring out from within Luxord's room, and he remembered what the gambler had told him to do when things seemed "awkward".

"_And if ever things seem to get tense or awkward, pull the ultimate gangster move."_

"_Ultimate gangster move? What's that?"_

"_Just rap."_

_He stared. "Rap? How the hell am I supposed to rap? I don't know how to rap! And what would I freaking rap **about**?"_

"_Don't worry, you'll know when the time comes…"_

It seemed like Luxord had thought of everything. And what's even better was…Axel _knew_ this song! He had heard it playing once on the radio once and it was just so…_catchy_. He had even memorized all the lines.

Roxas looked around, seemingly noticing the random music as well. But it didn't look like he minded all that much, because he started to bop his head to the beats.

Axel smirked, getting a wild burst of confidence and opened his mouth.

"_Ain't nobody dope as me I'm dressed so fresh so clean…"_

Roxas responded almost immediately.

"_So fresh and so clean clean."_

Axel felt his stomach do flips. _OMIGOSH I'M SINGING TO ROXAS AND HE'S SINGING BACK TO ME!_ Axel wanted to jump Roxas right then and there. He took a deep breath, trying to control his hormones before continuing.

"_Don't you think I'm so sexy I'm dressed so fresh so clean."_ Axel put his hands behind his neck pretending to stretch when in fact he was attempting to pose for Roxas.

"_So fresh and so clean clean."_

"_Ain't nobody don't ask me I'm dressed so fresh so clean."_

"_So fresh and so clean clean."_

"_I love when you stare at me I'm dressed so fresh so clean."_ Axel smirked at Roxas, looking him up and down slowly.

"_So fresh and so clean clean—"_

Roxas scrunched up his and stared up at Axel.

Axel's eyes widened and the music immediately shut off. He was at a loss of what to do.

Roxas stared, Axel shifted.

"Uhh…yo…biotch, let's me an' you go back to my crip—I-I mean, crib—and get it…onnnn…"

Roxas looked up at Axel with wide, disbelieving eyes.

"…Oh no you didn't."

Axel blinked. "Er…oh yes I did?"

Roxas gaped at him for a second before closing his mouth and glaring harshly.

"Dood, what the hell. I'm leaving."

Axel reached out his hand uselessly as Roxas turned on his heel and stomped down the hallway. Axel dropped his head in defeat. _Thanks a lot Luxord…_

"Oh, and one more thing," Axel's head shot up instantly, hope shining in his emerald green eyes. "Take that stupid piece of tin foil off of your tooth and stop acting like a gangster. It's freaking retarded." And then he turned around the corner and left, leaving a very shocked and hurt Axel in his wake.

"I guess…I guess Roxas doesn't like gangsters?"

He sounded pathetic, even to himself. So much for Pimp Master Dr. A.

…What a waste oftin foil.

* * *

_Poor Axel...the dood never gets a break. D_

On another note...

_I think that some people have gotten things a bit mixed up here. See, I am Mr.CuriosityBunny. I merely post my Kingdom Hearts stories on my friend's account, the one and only, Magnetic Cheese. And I do this for personal reasons. If you read my first ever AkuRoku on her account, you'd know why. Anywayss..._

So yes. I am Mr.CuriosityBunny. I have brought this to your attention because I have noticed that I have caused some trouble to Magnetic Cheese. You see, I tend to reply to your reviews personally, by the form of a Personal Message, also known as a PM. I can only do this through her account. But I have noticed that some reviewers PM me back. If you're going to do this, then please, please, **PLEASE, PM ME**. Not her, me; Mr.CuriosityBunny. I'm aware that this means that you have to find my profile and PM me, and I'm sorry if this is an inconvinience to you...but...

Frankly, Magnetic Cheese doesn't wish to have her email box filled up with "useless messages" (in her opinion).

So, I'm sorry, but..yeah.  
...  
Don't forget to flame!  
D


	3. Phase Two: Enter Xemnas

_Suppage doods! _

That's right, here I am with chapter two. Aww **YEAH**.  
...Ahem, please forgive me, I'm still suffering from Axel's gangster phase.

_Anyways,  
This chapter is a total polar opposite from Axel's gangster phase, and I'd like some of the credit to go to one of my reviewers; **Lenalesca**. She was the one who provided me with the great idea. I just took it from there. So, thank you ever so much dood. You officially rawk solid. xD_

_**Dedication:** Obviously to Chibix becuz she's freaking awesome. And also, to Lenalesca, who gave me the starting idea for this chapter._

_**Disclaimer:** I don't own Square Enix or Disney. Therefore I do not own the concept of Kingdom Hearts._

_So, enjoy, if you can.  
x)_

------

_**The Many Phases Of Axel  
**By:  
**Mr.**Curiosity**Bunny  
x**X**x**_

**__**

_**Phase Two: Enter Xemnas**_

Axel flopped down on his bed in distress. What was he going to do? What _could_ he do? Operation turn Axel into a smoking hot, fully pimped out gangster (complete with real tin foil tooth filling) was a total bust. And now…he felt so rejected. Axel rolled onto his stomach.

Maybe he should just give up?

…

No, giving up at this point wasn't an option. He had already made a complete fool out of himself in front of Roxas, so why stop now? Besides, he had never wanted something so badly in all of his existence than he wanted Roxas. It was plain and simple. Roxas was the shiz-nik.

Fo sho.

…What? So he had been practising some of his gangster literature, could you blame him? Anyways, the gangster phase was gone, and it was _definitely_ never going to come back. God have mercy on our souls if it ever did. So yeah, bye-bye Pimp Master Dr. A.

And now he was lost.

Axel spread himself fully across his bed, thinking about his options.

_Giving up on Roxas and moving on is totally **not** an option. _Although that had already been concluded and established, he had felt he had felt the need to state it again, for self-assurance, of course.

_Being **myself** is not an option either…_ He still hated to admit the fact that Roxas had said he was creepy, even though his ears had been witness to the hurtful words.

_So…what the hell **are** my options!_

Axel had no clue.

…But he wouldn't give up! He loved Roxas too much to do something like that!

Wait.

Axel bolted up on his bed with a very dramatic, and very girly-like gasp before pausing and flopping right back down again.

Yeah, that's right, he loved the kid. And Axel was man enough to admit it.

Besides…it didn't take a genius to see that Axel loved him. And it was a damn good thing too, because Axel was definitely _not_ a genius. _Like really, _Axel rationalized. _Who likes a freaking smarty-ass know-it-all?_

Pause.

He scrambled out of bed, long limbs flailing helplessly as they trapped themselves in his sheets in his haste. There was a small _thud_ as Axel fell to the floor, the battle lost before it even begun. But no matter, Axel's mind was far from his evil bed sheets, plotting to take over his body and mummify him in their white mass.

Ever so slowly, the wheels in his head started to spin and turn.

Maybe, just maybe, Roxas _liked_ smarty-ass know-it-alls…

Axel smirked.

Time for Phase Two: The Scholar Phase.

------

"So you wish to…_impress_ Number XIII by putting on a 'smart but still cool'—as you so intelligently put it—_façade, _and you need my help because I 'look like a stuck-up smart ass who knows his stuff', as you said."

Axel nodded eagerly. "Pretty much."

Xemnas stared down at Axel coolly. "Well…you've managed to waste both my time _and_ your time."

Axel smirked confidently. "Have I?"

Xemnas tried not to, tried to fight it, tried to hold back, but he couldn't.

He blinked.

And in that one second of doubt, Axel knew he had gotten him.

"…_What do you have?_"

Axel smirked, and proceeded to pull out a small pink book from inside his black uniform.

Xemnas gasped.

------

"Are you sure this will make me look smarter?"

"_Yes._" Xemnas bit out snidely, dumping the last bit of hair gel onto Axel's head before throwing it away with the other twenty-four bottles. He then proceeded to smooth down Axel's abnormally spiky hair. It took him about ten minutes before he finally got the damn spikes to co-operate.

That done, he shoved a pair of thick, black-rimmed coke-bottle glasses onto Axel's face, and then pinned a pocket protector onto the breast of his coat, stuffing a couple of pens into it half-heartedly. When he was done, he stepped back to examine his work.

"So," Axel shifted uncomfortably, scrunching his nose at the feel of his air plastered to the sides of his face. "Do I look smart?"

Xemnas stared. "More or less." He then sighed, shaking his head at Axel. "You know, you're never going to pull this off."

Axel started in alarm. "Why not?"

Xemnas gave him a blank look. "You're not smart." _And you look like an idiot._ But he didn't dare say that part aloud, not with what Axel had in his possession…

"Well, that's where you come in."

"Where I come in?" If Xemnas were anyone else, he would have gaped. But he wasn't anyone else, so he did not gape…he merely glared menacingly at Axel. "If I'm not mistaken, and I never am, I have already _done_ my part. Now," He extended his hand out meaningfully. "Hand it over."

Axel, since he wasn't Xemnas, and was in fact, Axel, gaped. "But…but you _have to_! Or, or _else_!"

Xemnas stiffened. "Or else **_what_**?"

Axel sat back and smirked, pulling out the same small pink book as before, flipping it open to a random page, and proceeded to read it.

_"And there I saw him, staring up at the night sky in all of his glory, his gaze lingering on an unseen sphere of bright light._

_The moon._

_I'll never understand his fascination with it…"_

Xemnas gave off an angered cry, lunging for the book in Axel's hands. The pyromaniac, seeing the attack coming from a mile away, simple got up from his chair and stepped out of the way. He continued on reading in amusement.

_"How I long for him to turn that gaze on me, the same intensity, the same adoration, the same satisfaction._

_I ache for him, even more so at night._

_And yet, he always seems just a breath away from my grasp._

_My Kingdom Hearts…_

_My love…_

_My…Saix."_

By this point, Xemnas was fuming, fists clenching and unclenching in pure anger. He glared down at Axel harshly, watching as he rolled back and forth on the floor in his uncontrolled laughter. _The idiot._

And suddenly, an idea hit him. His features eased back into his natural cool gaze, a predatory like gleam hidden in his eyes. He waited patiently for Axel to compose himself before speaking to him.

"Fine. I'll agree in helping you act intelligent."

Axel stilled. "Really?"

Xemnas nodded.

And Axel was too busy cheering in his supposed victory to see the evil smirk spread across the others' face.

------

Axel bounced out of Xemnas' room, turning around, intent on thanking him, and wincing when he got a face full of door.

"Jeez, what's his problem?" he momentarily scowled, wondering how someone as weird as Xemnas could be the Organization's leader.

_I mean, who keeps a little pink book entitled "From The Diary of Princess Mansex"? That's just really messed up…and who the hell is Princess **Mansex?**_

He shrugged it off however, his mind more set on impressing his little Roxy with his super knowledge skills of smartness. Now, if he were Roxas, where would he be?

He continued walking down the hallways, looking this way and that, slowly but surely becoming more and more frustrated with each passing second of which there was no sign of Roxas. Where _was_ he? He'd checked the kitchen, and then the bathrooms (kind of, sort of, hoping that Roxas was occupying the shower…), and he _would_ have checked Roxas' room…but he didn't know where it was. So _where_ could he _be_?

Wait…didn't they have a library somewhere in this place?

_Hmm…_ He faintly remembered passing Zexion one time in the hallways, and he had had a book in his hand. And…books come from libraries, right? So there had to be one around here _somewhere_!

And…and he could probably find Roxas there too! Because…because smart people go to libraries, because knowledge is power!

With that revelation, Axel took off towards to library…or, where he assumed the library was anyways.

------

After hours and hours of searching (which in reality were only about twenty minutes), Axel had finally found the library. And upon entering it, he was able to immediately spot Roxas leaning against a bookshelf, seemingly sucked into the book he was reading.

Axel let out a steady breath, adjusting his glasses and smoothing down his hair, grimacing lightly and wiping the excess gel onto the back of his coat. After he made sure his appearance was in check, he strode purposefully up to Roxas.

He didn't have to wait long before Roxas looked up and acknowledged him with a greeting.

"Can I…help you?"

Axel paused. By the way Roxas was looking at him, he couldn't seem to recognize him. _I guess that means Xemnas did a pretty good job on me then…_

"Greetings Number XIII."

Roxas stared.

"It's me, Number…erm…Axel."

Recognition flashed across the smaller boys' eyes.

"Oh, it's you."

Axel grinned.

The silence fell upon then abruptly, startling Axel more than ever. He looked around, taking everything in for the first time, trying to seem as casual as possible. He chanced a glance back at Roxas and watched him continue to read his book in annoyance. Roxas was supposed to be paying attention to _him_ dammit, not some stupid book!

He took a deep, steadying breath, quickly composing himself once more.

"Ahem…"

Roxas looked up in somewhat annoyance.

Axel gulped nervously. "So…"

"Yes?"

The pressure was too much for him to handle, so he said the first thing that Xemnas had told him. "Did you know that girls are from Venus, and guys are from Mars?"

Axel could swear that he heard crickets. He chanced another glance back at Roxas, and found him staring at him with the most incredulous look on his face ever.

"…**_What?_**"

Axel shifted slightly under his stare.

"And uhh, the square root of zero is negative a zillion."

Roxas continued to stare at Axel like he had suddenly gelled his hair back, put on huge nerdy looking glasses, and started saying the stupidest things to him ever. Oh wait…he was.

Axel continued to say the most unintelligent things ever, all the while thinking that Roxas was gaping at him because he was a freaking genius. After one particularly stupid comment about how we all hatched from eggs, and some big stork named 'Ed' sat on us until we broke out of our shells and then he delivered us to our parents, after that comment, Roxas felt he had to intervene.

"…Axel."

"-And emo's will start taking over the world in the future-"

"**Axel!**"

"-And they form a cult-…oh, yeah, Roxas?"

With slow and cautious movements, Roxas reached up above the book self and grabbed a black sheet of paper. He curved it around so that it formed a cone shape. He paused in his actions, looked up at Axel, then ran his hand through the pyro's hair, using the gel as a form of glue, holding the cone shape in place.

He then grabbed one of the many pens nestled in Axel's pocket protector ans proceeded to scribble something down on the makeshift cone.

Axel watched him work away, all the while trying to make out what Roxas was doing.

Roxas peered up at Axel with an unreadable look in his eyes.

"Axel."

Axel started. "Oh, umm, yes?"

"If you're so smart, answer this: If an idiot's mouth is flapping at thirty words per minute, while his brain is only running at a quarter the speed it possibly naturally runs at, and he has no idea what's he's saying…how long would it before I turn around and leave?"

Axel's face scrunched up in concentration. "Uhh, well…"

"The answer is _right now._" And with that, Roxas stuck the cone onto a stunned Axel's overly gelled hair and walked away.

"Oh, and Axel."

Axel got the same hopeful spark in his eyes as before. "Yeah, Roxas?"

"You're grandma called."

"Eh? She did?" Axel squinted his eyes. _Wait…I don't…_

"Yeah. She wants her glasses back." And then he was gone.

Axel whimpered softly. _I think I just got burned again…_

When Xemnas had entered the library for a good book, he was somewhat surprised to see Axel curled up in a corner pitifully with a paper cone on his head that read "dunce". He looked upon the scene with great satisfaction.

After he grabbed the book he was looking for, he quietly made his way back to his room. Upon entering he immediately walked over to his desk and pulled the first drawer open. He then moved the contents of the drawer to the side, lifting up a wooden plank to reveal a secret compartment.

He looked around quietly before picking up a bright hot pink notebook, opening it up to a blank page. He grabbed a pen and scribbled in his book, chuckling quite sadistically.

------

_From The Diary of Princess Mansex- _

_…Giggidy giggidy gig-a-dee._

_------_

_So, how did you guys like it? Pretty bad huh...I tried though. I find that Xemnas is a pretty hard character to incorporate into a crack story though. I tried to keep him in character while still maintaining total crackage. But..yeah, I don't think I accomplished this task too much...I've never written Xemnas into any of my Kingdom Hearts stories..._

_Zohwell doods._

_And remember, I respond to your reviews personally, so you'll get a PM from Magnetic Cheese if you review. And if you wish to respond to the respond you recieved from her, then PM **me**, the creator of this really cracked story (who's actually the one who responded to your review in the first place). Thanx for yer time doods!_

_Laterness._


	4. Phase Three: Enter Zexion

_Oh, hey *shrugs shoulders*  
what's good guys?_

...Okay, yeahhhhh, you all probably hate me for not updating in the longest time ever! And I really have no valid excuses...nothing besides, you know, me having to buckle down for my grade 12 year and do super well on my exams, then work full time over the summer to pay for university, and then start to buckle down in my first year of univeristy...but you know, nothing valid. Ahaha, and since I really don't want to start on my Political Science essay..which is kinda...due soon...I decided to update a chapter. I'm not going to lie...I've been writing this chapter for three days during my lectures, because they were so immensely boring. And I SWEAR the guy behind me was reading every word I typed...he was laughing though...but then kinda gagged when he probably came to the realization that Roxas and Axel are both dudes. I'm sorry random stranger in my lecture€ hall, but that's just the way I roll ;)

_And I probably wasted my time typing all that, as I'm sure none of you will actually read it. Don't worry, I skip author notes to sometimes...guiltyyyyyyyyyy =x_

_**Dedication:** To Yunie Tatlin...who may no longer be actually reading this story, since it hasn't been updated for a while..ahahah...ahah..ahem. But she gave me the general idea for this phase...like..two years ago. So thanks, I still remembered you. x)_

_**Disclaimer:** I don't own Square Enix or Disney. Therefore I do not own the concept of Kingdom Hearts._

_So, enjoy, if you can.  
x)_

* * *

_**The Many Phases Of Axel  
**By:  
**Mr.**Curiosity**Bunny  
x**X**x**_

_**Phase Three: Enter Zexion**_

The eerily bright white room was settled with a tense and anguished silence. Its only inhabitant stared blankly up at the plain, bright white ceiling, eyes never leaving a particular, unknown spot. Deft hands, covered in black leather gloves, slowly tossed a flaming orb of destruction in the air, catching it in a continuous rhythm. Every few seconds, the inhabitant would slowly and softly inhale, pausing for a bit as if to hold the 'breath' in, before slowly and softly exhaling—all the while continuing to toss the lethal flame in his palm in the same consecutive rhythm. This process—which had begun three days prior—would very likely continue until the end of time. It was beyond evident that a certain newly welcomed Nobody's constant rejection had a lasting and harsh affect on this poor inhabitant…

Axel was very much traumatized.

'_So, this is what Zexion must constantly feel like after he saw Lexaeus in nothing but a pink, frilly apron that one time…'_ With another sigh, Axel turned on his side and began to bounce the flame in his hand against the floor.

His previous attempt at "wooing" Roxas had been a total disaster, as was the attempt before that one. Axel was seriously beginning to think that maybe, just maybe…he really wasn't sexy enough for Roxas' liking.

"Argh!" With a frustrated grunt, Axel sat up in his bed, letting his flame consume itself into non-existence. Ha stared hard at the wall parallel tom him, willing it to start magically sprouting answers to the many questions he had running through his head at the moment.

When he was pretty certain that this tactic wouldn't work, he let a slow and epically perverse grin spread across his face. Why bother staring at a wall, hoping answers would magically appearing when he could start imagining that a naked Roxas would appear instead?

…Ooohhh, that was a good visual; Axel shivered in delight.

And just like all his good moments, Demyx had to burst through his bedroom door—uninvited, he might add—and start whining about how he lost Zexion. Axel had to forcefully stop himself from setting Demyx on fire….for the second time.

"—and I saw him walking down the hallway, so I stared following him, but then I saw this really shining thing on the floor, and it turned out to be the super cool and sparkly sitar pick I lost a few days ago—I call him Sparkly—and so I was all happy and stuff, but when I looked back up to show Zexion, he was gone!" Demyx finished with a gigantic wail, proceeding tom throw himself against Axel's opened door dramatically.

Axe, very much use to seeing Demyx act this way simply stared at the huge fuss he was making for no apparent reason. Demyx really needed to learn that Axel didn't give a damn about his Zexion problems. Why was he attracted to Zexion anyway?

'_I mean, come on,'_ he thought while Demyx continued his helpless wailing, _'All Zexion ever does is constantly glare at him…not to mention blow him off a lot. Talk about a cold shoulder…'_

Despite himself, Axel really couldn't help but be confused by the way Demyx constantly fawned over the colder Nobody like some love-sick puppy. He was genuinely curious about what attracted the idiot to the emo. And again, despite himself, Axel couldn't help but voice his curiosity to Demyx. In turn, the mullet haired Nobody levelled Axel with the most exasperated look he had ever seen.

"Because he's Zexion!" Demyx answered, as though that explained everything. The blank look Axel gave him clearly told him that he had to elaborate in the next three seconds or his ass was going up in flames yet again. Demyx quickly complied with a fearful chuckle.

"Well…I dunno…I mean... he's hot as hell!"—Axel shuddered at this totally, in his opinion, false statement—"And he's so cool and he looks so huggable and…and I think I really like the chase…" He concluded as an afterthought.

"The chase?" Axel asked in puzzlement. This particular statement had caught his immediate attention.

"Yeah," Demyx nodded his head vigorously, leaning towards him conspiringly, "You know, the whole 'playing hard to get' sort of thing. I can't help but be lured into his twisted games…it drives me wild! I think I've fallen helpless in _**love**_with him!"

A brief minute of silence passed between the two Nobody's as Axel gazed at Demyx in disbelief. Unbeknownst to Demyx, gears were at quick work, spinning and turning in Axel's head. In a flash, Axel was out oh his bed and already stepping though a quickly conjured black portal. A hopeful smirk played out on his now bright features, as his emerald eyes twinkled with rekindled desire.

Roxas was _so totally_ playing 'hard to get' with him—everything made perfect sense now! It was his turn now though—and when he was done with him…oh, Roxas was going to be begging for his booty!

"H-hey, Axel! Where you running off to?!" Demyx shouted in surprise.

Before completely immersing himself in the darkness, he turned to Demyx with a flick of his head. "I'm going to go talk to Zexion." With that said he turned his head forward and stepped through the awaiting darkness.

Demyx was left standing in Axel's room, his mouth making doing an extremely good impression of a fish out of water. When he had finally gotten over the initial shock, he then proceeded to have the cutest tantrum in the history of tantrums.

"—knew where he was the WHOLE TIME and didn't TELL ME? That's so not even _cool_ Axel! *sniffles* You better not be trying to make a move on my man…I'll hurt you if you do! He's **mine; **all **mine**. _My_ **Sexion.** All mine, mine, mine, mine, mine, _mine, mine, __**mine, mine, MINE**_—"

Demyx was forced to flee Axel's room in mid-tantrum as a dark portal had opened behind him, and next thing he knew, the back side of his coat had started burning. And, as he ran though the Halls That Didn't Really Exist, patting his heated backside the whole while, Demyx swore he could hear Axel's maniacal laughter reverberating off of the Walls That Let Sound Bounce Off Of Them, But Didn't Exist Anymore So Than The Halls That Didn't Exist.

* * *

_Darkness consumes my every thought_

_Invading my soul and eating away at my silent heart_

_Torturing me with images of warm flesh_

_And loving embraces_

_Reaching out, the coldness snakes around m_

_My hand falters_

_Thoughts linger_

_Darkness constricts_

_And I am…_

"A Nobody." Zexion finishes quietly, laying his quilted pen atop the pages of his secret diary, staring off into the brightness of his room in a contemplative silence.

Oh, how he secretly longed to be more than a non-existing being once again! He envied that retched Key Blade holder and his dysfunctional group with a passion. They didn't fully appreciate the air that they had the privilege of breathing, nor did they live their loves to the absolute fullest. Yes, Zexion detested every living being out in the world, for he knew they were all selfish creatures who took their beating hearts and warm flesh for granted. Even the brainless Darkness had hearts, albeit dark hearts filled to the brim with nothing but fiercely burning hatred, but still hearts nonetheless. And what did he have?

Nothing; for that was what he was. A mere memory…no, a mere _shell_ of a mere memory. The remnants of a forgotten life…

"A Nobody."

"…It sucks, doesn't it?"

Zexion sighed heavily, not bothering to even turn around and grace Axel with one of his infamous icy glares. He felt a hesitant hand grasp his shoulder lightly, as though in compassionate sympathy; as though he wanted to _comfort_ him. The idea alone was so intensely ridiculous that Zexion had to refrain from hysteric laughter.

"You are a fool, Axel."

As if scorched by those very words, the hand immediately left his shoulder, and Axel's carefree chuckle lingered in the air. Zexion stood up from his desk and turned to face the pyromaniac, his only visible eye staring right through the other Nobody. Axel shifted from foot to foot nervously; the anguished organization member had always seemed to unnerve him, although he would never admit to such a ridiculous notion.

"I, uh…need a favour…"

Zexion continued to stare through him, and Axel already started to regret ever stepping foot out of his own room.

* * *

"And…yeah, that's the gist of it, I guess…" Axel trailed off, feeling more and more stupid for every second that passed in which Zexion did nothing but stare. After what seemed like eternity, Axel growled in frustration, snapping at the unresponsive Nobody harshly. "Well, you gonna help me or what? Fuck, I don't know how and **idiot** like Demyx could ever _**fall in love**_ with creepy _emo_ like you!"

That managed to get a reaction out of the stoic being…a very surprising one.

"…Demyx…?" Zexion ventured hesitantly. Axel stared as the other Nobody brushed his fingers through his short, silver-blue tresses in a very flustered manner, pacing back and forth in his library of a room. Axel continued watching his jerky movements in disbelief.

"You mean…you didn't even…? It was so _obvious!_ I mean, come on—he's like a puppy! Right on the back of you heels and shit, and…Zexion? Are...are you alright?"

"…I can't breathe. Axel, I can't breathe. I can't…I can't breathe…" Zexion rasped out between gasps, clutching his throat and hyperventilating. His eyes were wide, his breaths were frantic and shallow, and _his heart_—

Zexion cried out sharply, clutching the left side of his chest in bewilderment. He felt like something was slamming relentlessly against his rib cage, feeling as though he was being mercilessly assaulted by a variety of forgotten emotions.

And for the first time in a very long time, Zexion _was._

However, this world, surrounded by bleak darkness and cold hatred, was a very cruel one indeed. For as soon as this miraculous experience had occurred, it had been brutally ripped away from the overwhelmed Nobody, leaving him with a faint memory of life, as though to tease him.

Silence descended upon the room and its two inhabitants. Zexion was once again, a Nobody.

* * *

Axel wandered The Halls That Didn't Really Exist in a zombie like trance, his eyes wide; replaying what he had just been witness to in Sexton's room not seconds ago. He had to have been dreaming…maybe he had imagined it! There was no way…no _possible way_…Zexion had a heart, if even for a second.

And it had started _beating._

Faint as it may have been, Axel knew what a heart beat sounded like. It just didn't seem logical though! They were _**Nobody's**_, they didn't _have_ hearts, they didn't _have_ feelings, the didn't…they _just didn't._

Axel's hands flared up in frustration, and he was suddenly overcome with the intense need to burn something down. Just as he was about to give into this malicious desire, he heard footsteps fast approaching from around the corner. Smirking in obvious glee, he got ready to literally give hell to the unsuspecting victim.

And then he heard Roxas' voice.

In a frenzied rush, he fled from his previous spot and ducked into the first available room, which just so happened to be his own. Leaning against his closed door, he pointlessly breathed out a sigh of relief…you know, just for dramatic affect an all that. He then abruptly pressed his ear to the door, hearing both Demyx and Roxas' voices now. He listened to the conversation intently.

"…And I couldn't find him all day long, and Axel _knew_ where he was, and _refused_ to tell me! He's such a big, fat meanie! I should go check to see if he's in his room…maybe he'll be nice now and tell me where Zexion went off to!" he heard him conclude as two sets of footsteps approached his door.

Axel's mind literally blanked, and his hands went completely numb. Roxas was with Demyx; Demyx was coming to his room…

Roxas was coming to his room.

'_Omg.'_ was Axel's first, initial thought. The following thoughts were basically along the lines of, '_Roxas is going to be in my room. Omg, this is epic. Roxas. In __**my**__ room….omgomgomgomgomgomgomg!'_

Just as Axel heard the door handle being turned, Roxas had intervened with a snort.

"I don't think you want to do that, Demyx." Axel heard Roxas say in warning, "I think that guy's insane….who knows what he might do to you."

Silence.

"Yeah, you're probably right, Roxas," he heard Demyx agree, "I've already had to ask Lexaeus to sew my uniform _three times_ already…I don't want to cause him anymore trouble…"

And then…they were gone, leaving Axel curled up at the foot of his door in misery. An hour must've gone by before Axel was able to pull himself together, chanting, _'He's just playing hard to get, he wants me…he's just playing hard to get, he so wants me…'_ like a mantra in his head as he set to work.

Oh yeah, it was that time again…

Rushing over to his bed, Axel retrieved the stolen items from Zexion's room from within his coats' many pockets. He examined all of the required items—a bottle of jet black ink, a paint brush (who knew that Zexion painted in his spare time?), and the most crucial one of all…Zexion's private, secret diary, filled to the brim with gothic, 'you know you totally want me now,' poetry.

Time for Phase Three: The Emo Phase.

* * *

Axel stepped back from his mirror, examining every single detail of his new look critically. Once satisfied with the outcome of his vigorous labour, he set out in search of his soon to be lover. Oh, Roxas _really_ didn't know what was going to hit him.

* * *

"_Death is inevitable; thus, life is pointless."_

"…What the _**hell**_ are you talking about."

Pause.

"And _**what the hell happened to you?**_"

Axel shifted nervously, feeling the beginnings of sweat start to form at the top of his brow. This isn't how it was supposed to turn out…this wasn't how it was supposed to turn out at _all_. Briefly going over the events that transpired in the last fifteen or so minutes, Axel tried desperately to pinpoint where everything had begun to fall to pieces…

He had just finished completing his new ensemble, and was quite impressed with his handiwork. He had taken the black ink and paint brush he had acquired from Zexion's room, and used them to paint his fingernails black. Although…he wasn't the _best_ at doing such a trivial task, and had thus ended up with black fingernails…fingers…palms…and wrists. But he was determined not to let that detour him from his goal.

Next, he had taken what was left of the ink and, after much self-convincing on his part—in which he told himself it was for Roxas, and was thus _so totally worth it_—he had poured it all over his head. Now, since almost half of the little container of ink was lost to his hands and nails, not much was left for his hair. It was safe to say that Axel should _never ever, __**ever**_ be allowed to dye his, or anyone else's hair for that matter…unless they thought that blotchy colours looked hip.

After believing that he had done a fairly excellent job on his own makeover, he had ventured out of the sanctuary that was his room, in hopes of casually bumping into Roxas, but looking like he didn't _want_ to be bumping into Roxas after he had already did. You know, playing the whole 'hard to get' scene.

Luckily for him, Axel didn't have to look far, as Roxas had turned the corner and had literally bumped right into Axel. The game was set, and the pieces were in place…and, that's how they got to where they were now. Yet…Axel still couldn't figure out what he had done wrong!

"Fine, whatever, I really don't care," Roxas sighed in annoyance, effectively bringing Axel out of his reverie, "But seriously, **stop stalking me.**"

Axel decided it was time to play hard to get.

"Stalking you?" He glared down at the younger Organization member coldly, "As if I would waste my time with your pathetic existence."

His change in attitude had the desired affect on Roxas immediately.

"My…my pathetic existence…?"

To add insult to injury, and to keep up his 'I don't care about you, and it's making you want me baby,' attitude, Axel turned away from Roxas and made to head the opposite way in which he had originally been going, as though to show Roxas that he didn't want to be anywhere near the younger boy. This caused Roxas to unconsciously begin to follow the pyromaniac-turned-emo in indignation.

"_My pathetic existence?_ Hey! You can't just say stuff like that and walk away! Listen to me when I'm talking to you…STOP IGNORING ME!"

Axel spun around in triumph and looked down upon the quick tempered Nobody with a satisfied smirk. "_You are nothing but a waste. A mere shell whose only purpose it to serve someone else—you are nothing. Yeah, I'm emo and you so want me._"

Unbeknownst to Roxas, Axel was ignorantly reciting lines of poetry he had memorized from within Zexion's diary, overlooking completely their meaning. And unbeknownst to _Axel_, everything he had said since he had bumped into Roxas in the last couple of minutes was striking a series of sensitive nerves in the younger Nobody. Finally, Roxas snapped.

"Look here, you _freak_; I may be nothing to _you_ but I _**am**_something. I'm more of a something than you could _ever_ even _dream_ of being. And I don't serve _**anyone**_ in this stupid castle—I have my _own_ purpose. So you can take your little emo poetry and your blotchy red and black hair, and _kiss my __**ass**_."

And with that said, Roxas turned on his heels and stomped down The Halls That Didn't Really Exist in complete anger, leaving Axel to stare off into blankly, wondering what the hell just happened.

"Oh, and, one more thing," Roxas turned to say before heading around the corner. Axel couldn't help but immediately perk up in hopefulness. "Stop being a poser, you freak—your hideous hair dye job is leaking. Oh, and pretty sure they're called 'scene kids' these days, so get with it…_freak_."

Axel crumpled to the floor once again, after being rejected for the third time by the same person. He didn't have to wipe his forehead to know that the sweat crawling down his brow was a murky grey colour, as it had absorbed the traces of black ink in his hair.

A heavy silence settled in The Halls That Didn't Really Exist, the only sound being that of Axel's anguished groan of misery.

"What the _hell_ is a _scene kid_?"

* * *

Zexion observed Axel and Roxas from the shadows, chuckling at Roxas' inevitable departure and Axel's obvious grief.

"You are a fool, Axel…" he trailed of quietly, looking down at the crumpled piece of paper in his hands, which depicted directions to the secret location of his hidden library/room that no one but Xemnas and Axel knew about…it was addressed to a certain blue-eyed, sitar playing Nobody. He stared at Axel's longing expression with seemingly cold eyes. He looked so very broken in that moment…so very fragile…

With a sigh, he once again glanced down at the makeshift directions in his slightly shaky hands. After a moment's hesitation, he conjured up a portal of darkness, a gazed into it softly.

"…But so am I."

And with a small, wistful smile, he let the crumpled paper slip from his fingers and float innocently into the portal, its destination already set.

When the portal disappeared, Zexion turned and headed quickly towards his secret room in preparation. He was no doubt going to get an 'unexpected' visit from Demyx in the next few minutes.

* * *

_O_o Oh my...I kinda...was there a little teeny weeny hint of a plot manifesting itself in this chapter...or is it just me? Ugh...I dunno what happened._

_But I can safely assure you, that this is def; PWP. The only 'plot' (if you can refer to it as such), is Axel trying to successfully find a way into Roxas' pants. I just...couldn't help but throwing some Zemyx in there...my second fav pairing afterall! XD I was kinda...iffy writing this...because Zexion's parts were so..serious! And then Roxas' reaction at the end...gotta brighten up the mood for next chapter! More hilariousness, I promise you!!_

Oh, and BTW...I kinda sorta realized that, after reading my previous chapters, I'm in serious need of a BETA reader! So, if anyone's interested in doing my dirty work, then please PM me. My user name is . Please don't PM **MagneticCheese**, as this is someone else's account I am using to post these particular stories (with her consent, of course, since I know her irl), and thus **I** will not recieve your PM. So please, search for my profile...it'll only take a second. Maybe you can motivate me to update faster! AND...you'll get first dibs on reading my chapters =D So, if interested, PM me at **.** Thanks for the support!!


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